Dad Jokes

Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.

If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled?

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.

What is a guitar player's favorite Italian food? Strum-boli.
How does cereal pay its bills? With Chex.